Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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