ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
