the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
