I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
