Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
