Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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