I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
