I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
