you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
