Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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