Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
