Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
