I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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