I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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