I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
