i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
