We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
