and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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