and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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