Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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