I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
