I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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