my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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