and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
