I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
