trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
