He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
