Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
