if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
that may or may not have been my penis.
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