where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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