i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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