I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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