i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
