I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
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we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
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Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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