Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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