Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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