We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
