some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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