Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
