Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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