He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the day after is always just damage control
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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