God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
