they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
