Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
