she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just high enough for therapy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
