The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
