You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
