Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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