I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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