in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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