its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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