hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
