do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
