boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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