Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
