Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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