i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
