just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
