The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
