spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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