why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
