someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
