I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
