are you still at the devil's house?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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