I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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