After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
