Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
