apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
